Love You a Million

.:Simply got hurt::.

2005-12-02T11:59:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Long time never come blog to blog diary le... Finally today i feel like blogging... Today i just simply not happy but i don want anyone know the reason... Is just because of someone... Someone i think i wish to become like in future... But i don think that person will care about my feeling... Maybe tat person want me grow ba...

Finally got call up to creative VP to have a talk... Due to one case that user throw unit at me... At first i thought the company don do anything... But now i feel tat they think for us now... :)

Why i always be good to people where i know the person don think for me... Everyone ask me to think for myself than ourself, where i always think other people is more important to me... If i without them i don think i can grow ba... So is just very simply just stay happy for myself lor...

Going a trip to malaysia soon... Cool we are siao we took air plane just go to KL... Haha hopefully will have some fun... Maybe i should go on a trip to LA ba at least my friend there can help me out other than we always msn... Hehe

Time fly a year is going to end soon... Going to say good bye to 2005 less than month le... I just wonder 2005 what thing i actually do correct and wrong... So 2006 i can be better? I think i know more friends ba... Some funny and cute, talkerative, crazy, cool, boring, and more....

And mostly i learn something from bb she someone teach me how to love myself... She so independant person... She talk very straight to me and she someone i would like to be her ba

.::A dream house i wan::.

2005-10-12T00:45:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

I so happy that finally got a room for myself... I feel more comfortable and nice... Now my dream to make a room i wish for... I know is hard to do but i going try my best to get it.. Thanks all my friend around me to support me... I really thanks for all the help... Esp chee hong and huiping buy my dream bed for me.. Is so touch lor... Today diary is short as i very tired also...

.:: Never been so easy ::.

2005-09-23T02:18:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Life at work never been easy for me... As many people know last time me always very free take things so easy and don really have to care... Only care for wat i love only and that is me... Now i think i change so much, the way i present myself to others and how to know what other needs... Was very happy that my boss anthony actually let me be stard in supervisor on one of the day... I think i do a good job that day and very happy to be also... Thank God for this big grace he have given me... I know my main support is this is him...

I pray that lord help me understand more of human as i don think i know them well and myself too... Is still the process of learning and growing also.. Most of all i wan to thank lord giving me a new house now... As i have to move out of toa payoh soon... As on 28 oct i have to hand the key to the new owner and i thankfully for everyone who have praying for me and blessed me in anything... Yes i lost mummy teo as i giving her up... Thankfully i never break down as i know my lord is still with me... Even the highest mountain i'm in my lord will cover me and love me... I will move on and find the gamer of my life... Another 8 month i going to leave the ten in my life and welcome my twenty hopefully i can leave my last ten within in 8 month a good and joy and memory surprise... I love you lord really cant wait to see those surprise u have prepare for me... I enjoy every moment of up and down with you lord...

.::Wonder::.

2005-09-19T20:38:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I just don know why my company people are very funny... Everyone like putting a mask during work time... The world i live now change people like crazy... Customer so demand and boss like wan a answer... If you cant people will say you not doing your work... Just wan to know why cant have care and share for everyone? Is so simple right... I just don understand everyone standard is getting high...

I cant stand one thing is boss alway listen to customer but not the employer.... They also own the item too... But things change if you have the product u cant... The more funny is... Some of the things you cannot say but the supervisor can say... Izzit they are superman? So they can say? This is making me think.... Simply thing but is so hard to understand...

I realize customer talk to frontline is scolding but go to mangerment is nice talk izzit mangerment put drug on them? Haha why everytime they so guai... Haha So time i think should i follow the rule or not... Or do wat i do? But i also cannnot do thing i wan also... I always think of people around me... I cannot say this is wat i wan or use mangerment as explain.... This is crap lor... Haiz today come blogging is to nag.... As i almost everyday nagging... And getting angry very easy also...

Really feel like going a trip to my hong kong maybe i can find new self or a world i looking for.... May be hong kong now is not the expect i wan from last time... As time change everything.... I may not get the expect i wan also... But why so customer is so funny i always cant get the reason... For example they always say i look at the picture is so nice that why i buy now this is not i wan i wan a refund... Very bo liao lor than why macdonld picture also very nice but they give also very ugly y they got no complain?

.::Loves doesnt mean forever::.

2005-09-17T22:09:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

I realize loves doesnt mean forever... Love start at the min when you are in love or be loved after awhile the true will show... So you have to be prepare the min when you see the true and stand up right alway don wait you drop... I realize this because i say something to someone and realize the answer is not i wan and i know i lost this person already... Even i know it hurt me so badly but i think i grow as i know i have friends around... I know i will go on my life as i know the world i live is very cruel and i know i cant change it as i know whenever i wan to change it will turn out more badly... As let time do the job... I know one day someone will really know me and think for me... I will not know when the day come but as the day past i know myself more...

Today i go to my new house my first time step in as i always only can stand outside the window and look through only... The min i use the key to open the door is like the i hold on my future key like that... I open the future door... I'm so happy and become more proud of myself... I now really grow... Even the person really cannot be my ..... And can be my good and close friend i just can say you are welcome back anytime... You are still be the one i love but i may not know when i forget you but at least you are some one i love...

.::I'm not shock but i only wish you only::.

2005-09-04T21:22:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I back from my chalet... I really learn alot of things yesterday... I saw mummy new boyfriend le... I think tricia still don know about this but i only wish mummy... Yesterday was so happy to talk to you... You are simply wat you are... I not shock of wat you do you have the right in your relationship as daughter of you i wan you be happy also... As for the guy i talk him not so much also... But see you happy and grow pretty i really very happy...

But mummy i hope you know wat you want and you need help i will beside you... Nothing i can do also... But yesterday see you sleep like little gal so cute... Haha You are really the mummy i know.. As for me i work hard for work than go for my study le... Mummy i think i really grow up...

Haha so cute you wake me up from sleep haha is hard for me to wake up right... but simply love you call me wake up... haha I don know i can go with you for holiday anot but i wish too.. Going out with you is simply i wish for le.. You know my heart and i know you too but i know we each other don like to say out as we know but way or time go we each other will know... This is why me and you there no sercet le...

I know you and me got very strong char but no matter how stress you are you still have to eat ok.. I know i same as you but i will try to eat.. And don tired yourself as i will not too... Striking to our future is wat i wan...

.::I never been so happy before today::

2005-09-01T00:49:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I really cannot believe that my lord answer all my prayer i been praying till i scare of truely... The power of my prayer is back... I never believe it till just now... I get back the power God give me le i so happy... Today after so many year one of them wish come true a hug... I yesterday just pray only and today i got it i really cannot believe and the person is miss quek, the feeling so different cos got a hug from person you love is so different wan...

And i was worry as this year i truely don know wat to get mummy and i ask the lord he ask me buy lily i was like huh lily so white and i was thinking of buying sunflower as is sunshine mah, the surprise wat God let me recall back mummy told me before she like lily and i thought she joking... Than so i bought lily for her... And i look around for her... And i found her when i show her the flower i saw sometime i never see from mummy... A joy from her face like so much wanted this and eye like having some tear and words cant be say also... And she smelling the flower as lily got a special smell... I never see mummy before like that...

To be true today i very thankful to God as he this few week really really listen to my prayer... I really wan to thank you lord... Lord help me this saturday help me get someone work for me on sat lord i really wan a time with mummy... Yes you listen to my prayer i say i wan over night stay mummy really allow and i pray that si hui cannot stay over night you listen again lord... Would you help me i just need time with her lord she so important to me on earth lor in heaven i have you lord but now she is my support and lord really thanks so much giving courage le... As i felt my courage is back and alot of things lost i got restore i don know how to say but people around me can feel le bah... Lord really thankfully so much...

This is for you lord

I'm small like a sand you pick me up and take care of me
you stop strong wind from blowing me away
you stop rain scare me got wash off...
you stop my worry and pain
as you already carry it for me on cross
nothing on earth i have so much
and you bless me with my parent and god mother and friends around me
i'm so blessed... All you provide is so much enough for me
now and forever i wan to praise you and thank you for all
as you are my lord and saviour not much i have only a heart would follow you...
simply just for you... love you and praise you...

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is for my mummy

After so many years of up and down,

my tear has never stop at any mark of life
As you always give me love and care
just when i needed you the most

People may not be understand me
but your words from you has cover all those
Things always seem impossible to me
you always give me faith say i can do it

No one on earth really love me like you do
I promise i would spend my life with more fruitful
As i always know you always by my side
just when i needed you the most

.::I just like the way goes now::.

2005-08-28T00:53:00.000+08:00

Dear Diary,

Today i very happy today, i enjoy so much and there no reason some more... Whaha wat a joke sia... Maybe i myself now the reason, my holiday on 2-4 ba it make me very happy whenever i think about it... I know is coming and i just cant wait it arrival early... Hehe

Anyway i going fat again... Shit sia i have to do exercise le, i don care i have to sit up everyday if not die.... I don wan to be a really fat pig.. I only wan to piggy only... Hai who ask me my work now so simple almost everyday sit down do nothing... Haiz have to ask those guy give me some exercise job le...

Yes tomorrow is sunday and my working going to be very simple and easy... But i have to rush all my undone job no matter wat... Is time to refresh myself... Hehe Tomorrow i have to clear everything if the stock is here... Ok sleeping time

.::Happy message day::.

2005-08-25T04:17:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I so happy today i got so enjoy sms someone today... Is so cool... And i finally got a comfirm answer from someone also is so happy day... I just love today even i just finish my work cant believe ba now 4 plus morning i just finish... I start my work from 11 morning till now than finish.. Great right...

Must be thinking why i only customer care advisor i got so many things to do... At beause of the moving... I have to do plan so many thing... Wat to do my job mah...

Anyway i going out on 2-4 please don sms me or disturb me as i would not answer any call... I will be having great time over there so please don disturb and is my dream also... I got time to talk to someone le.. whaha... Cool

.::God i'm too fast::.

2005-08-19T23:47:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Today my work place lack of staff end up only 3 gals working... End of the day i realize i work both of their work... Make me so tired... Yesterday talk to mr loke about my future study and working... Very talk we have... I learn more thing from my boss after the talk... I will work hard and serve my customer... And today meeting after work... Is so so so crazy... Was are offically moving on 1 sept... Cant wait to see my new place and my new com... And hear Mr Sim give blank cheque to my boss to order the things we wan... So cool right... And Finally i'm so happy we going to have 12 hours work... Work 3 days off 4 days... Cool... I love today meeting...

Oh my God realize i retain so many product from user... Everyone is worry i cant finish before going to new place i working very hard of finish it... And try to maintain all user...

I'm thinking of getting of a pda... Not a good wan i don mind but just wan HP brand will do... I still not comfirm as i don wan to waste money also... Realize finance planning is very important in working life... Can say everybody life ba... So i still thinking...

Yeah i took off on 2-4... Going to some part of singapore for my break... And also my dream come true... Hopefully i can use my off day well.... Cant wait for it to come...

Secondly i planning to go japan on june for japan trip still not yet to be comfirm... As i have to do planing and finance planning too... And i currently thinking of working out a new business... So i prepare alot of thing before i really do my comfirm...

A special day is coming soon... And that is teacher day... This year ms yeow don have student to celebrate with her thinking a idea to celebrate for her... Hope i have enough time... As for mummy i still not sure wat to get for her...

.::I moving soon::.

2005-08-18T00:08:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Sorry that i everytime wan to post end up i ease off.... Don know wat am i thinking this few days... Abit trouble up... So mood wasnt good... Don know i'm fine... Got support from friends around the world make my days up... This week pass very fast... I recoving from my sickness.... Was sick for one week is so xin ku... But is ok now... I just simply forces on my work and coming party...

I waiting for my party to come... Is up so soon... My dream come true soon... But don know wat will happen... It will not go on like my script write... So let nature do the work... Pray hard it will happen... And is my dream... :)

My dream is going to happen so soon.. Is like a dream for me... It happen... God is giving back my everything soon... The challege with him is no more... I should not challege God... Is so bad... He really take my loves all away from me... Is too scary le... God really will puish people... Is so true... God i only hope and pray don take my parent... my mummy... my meis and friends from me can le... You can take those bad friend away from me... Other than that don need le... I don dare to play le...

Yes my jolin is coming to singapore... Yes jolin... Cant wait to see you...

.::Wat am i?::.

2005-07-31T00:29:00.000+08:00

Nothing to be see.... Only hearts that beat... Brain is thinking... Only me i cant understand....
I think for people not myself... I do for people and not my myself... I give my love and never love myself... I dream of people and not my future... People think i stupid but don know i actually know i can think wat they think... People make use of me and throw me aside and never think of my feelings... I have to finds ways to lie myself and find ans for them say they not do it for possible... I put my shoe in them but they never,,, The world is still moving even don have me? Who is the wan think of me all day and night? Who will spare a thought for me? Who can i call in the need of help? Who shall i put my trust?

If i have a dream wat would it be?
If i have a million dollar wat where would i use?
If i have a chance where i will use in?
If i have a all these and could i be?

The world change into a cruel world
Everythings seems so uneasy
Everyone rush for more money
And get unhappy and broken familys
Many things in life don have to take seriouly
As you don know wat will happen in the next min

Just thank God for you are still living
As you know you are still breathing
Just thank God you still can see
As you can see the tree leaves
Just thank God you can hear
As you can hear the bird chip

Many things in life really don have to take too serious just know that who you are... As for me i still don know as my soul i still not with me... Till i find my soul maybe i know wat am i?

.::A promise between you and me::.

2005-07-19T23:17:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Today i when back sec school to have lurch with mummy... I enjoy the moment i with her... The first time i see her buy food and drink to me... I so happy... Even i don like to eat chilli i also eat up... :) After having lurch with her i thought she will ask me to wait for her, end up she call me to follow her up to staff room... When i go to her staff room, she ask me to help her mark paper... Gosh this scare me up but i never say back to her anything i just help her to mark and record those mark... And she when for her meeting... My second time help her mark paper... Don know why i follow her standard of marking... When i do the marking i can feel wat she thinking... When you mark the paper you really feel sad and happy on each paper you mark... To be a teacher is so hard... Xin ku le mummy... I understand wat u feel le... Don worry when i off i sure come and help you do marking de...

After help her do marking she say she going home le... Finally she end her day but is already 6pm... I cant imaging everyday she end her work so so late... Last time she finish around 4 plus i think is damn late le... Now more worst... Mummy xiao xin your health wor... Pack her thing and when to her car... As usual she will ask me where i wan to go... And i always say your house... Haha than she drop me at amk mrt station... On the way she know i got things to tell her but end up i never say to her as i see her so busy i don wan to add on her stress... I know she only person will not scold me and think for me... And i can feel she care for me... As i told her i will let her know in december... And she say" since you know i so busy le can help me take care of yourself and don let me worry for you?" This wake me... I will make this promise as she is my mummy mah...

Is time to sleep le... Night... Mummy i love you

.::My new mei from mummy teo::.

2005-07-17T01:08:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I got a new mei i almost forget to say... She is si hui... Don know why i saw some shadow of her when i in sec sch... I'm happy to see mr chan say this... Even i left the school for 3 years but it looks like i still living in the school... Thanks mr chan for this it make me proud...

Anyway i want to let si hui know... Mummy teo you have to take time and understand her... Don keep trouble to youself also... Like me jie last time like that end up now have to learn to stand up... You don see the xinku i having as i don wish to let people around know me actually need care... As i don wan them to worry to me... As i know if you see your loves one in trouble you actually don wish to share ur trouble to her also... Like me now is mummy trying to help me out so i have to tell her... You got trouble tell me if jie cannot solve i surely will tell mummy... Remember some words can say some cannot... If you say out you have to bared the trouble up... Must remember and is important... As for you O is coming rmemeber don think of mummy too much as mummy don wan us to be like that... To be her gal we must bare the pain and go on ur life... If cant do it is hard to be her daughter...

And don try to learn from me too much... As i not a good jie too... I trying to better... Last time i study people brain how they think wat they wan... Is a bad way gal don learn it... Remember to understand a person don say this word STUDY but say understand... And understand wat their heart and brain wan not either one them... Have to understand both... Remember it... And don be negative like me also... Me and mummy is very negative person but she know wat her goal i hope you can find it also... As for me my goals is too far i can reach... But i keep trying now... As mummy say i have to try if not i will not know... As for me i very scare of falling down again... I still scare but for mummy i go on... So you have to ok... Now you ggot two supporter so jia you... Treasure the things you have now don wait till you regret... My hope and loves is with you ok...

As for my another two meis lilian and zoe i will see you guys in aug chalet... Hope mrs ong got call me la... Than jie can bring you all out le... See you guys soon loves...

.::When i with mummy i know i'm can be save::.

2005-07-17T00:42:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I finally tell mummy the sercet i keep more than 10 over years... Is too personal till i will not tell anyone... In this world only she know none other than other le... In this world i trust only her le no other than her iw ill say this out... Even ms ng also don know...

I'm very sorry for being rude to you mummy... During the bishan park i should not throw my angry to u... But i know you forgive me... As you say you don remember wat happen le... This sercet shall be personal to you and me and the sercet you told i shall keep in my heart to... I know you love and care for me and i love you too... I will do it for you anything... Just remember to take care and loves you...

I'm sorry that i keep too many things to myself and i lock up myself... I know i should not lock up myself... I thought nothing will be wrong but very surprise you know... Even with me 10 years ms ng also cannot see... Yes i actually lock up myself liao... I hitting myself one corner... I now really know how to act normal to people also... And act to the person can accept me... I don feel like using the real me as too many hurt will get when i put in real feeling also... The person can see my real feeling is mummy only... As she know if she see me infront of her mean i really not happy at all... Or i need someone to beside me and support me... Sorry to waste ur petrol cos see u drive bishan 3 around amk 4 around trying to getting me to tell you... There nothing i can hind from you and to you i would not lie... I make a promise to myself i will not lie to you and do the promise i promise you... As you see the things i promise you i do.... Don always use stop seeing me if you don do... To you i will...

I'm sorry i cant let mummy know my blog cos i don wan her see me sad... I know you been worry for me... Esp yesterday... And the first time i hear you say sorry to me... When will i get the courage call you mummy? When will i? I know you been waiting but i still don dare... Haiz

Tmr i will see mummy again... Hoping to chat with ehr again... I enjoy everymin with her... Smile...

.::Jewel of the palace::.

2005-07-15T04:10:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

This few day i been watching the show jewel of the palace i cry so so so much... This korean show is too good only volume 2 i watch i cry like siao... I just like one of the char, she is lady han... She so good person and she die, how can why good people die... When the small little gal need help they all die... Is so unfair for them... I feel this show is so good.... Why cant lady han just live? Hai... At least i see them together i so happy... God please stop my tears from dropping... I don know wat am i thinking also... I very blur... Help

This show is too touching le... Siao la i like one of the char sia... I siao le la... Should i continue watch or stop? Hai i don know... now is affecting me so much le i don know should i watch anot...

Anyway i miss you can you just reply my message?

.::Thanks I know who love and care for me::.

2005-07-13T00:37:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I now know who really care and love me... I realize alot of thing after talking to ms quek... When sec sch fair fun on last sat... Like usually i do i buy mummy breakfast... And after that follow mummy, she is my best mummy... I finally i saw mummy another god daughter le... I know who is she and chat with her... Now she is my sister le... And anyway she was treat differently from me... I realize mummy got a lot of things never tell her... And alot of thing mummy don wan her to know... Now i realize mummy really got a place for me le... I feel so sad for that gal... To be mummy daughter is not so easy, esp everyone in sec school know that i her first daughter and to be her second wan must be better than me... If not you very hard to be her daughter...

I finally get to talk to ms quek i so so long never talkl to her... Seldom people know last time in sec school i always talk to ms quek through email wan... And i lose her email so i never email her le... I finally get her email as she say i still can find her wan... Thanks ms quek... I now really happy now but i don know wat am i lacking? I still don know wat is that... But to be true i enjoy myself now... Everyone is worry for me scare my depression will be back till now is still ok... I not worry also as i feel comfortable now...

Don know why my head nowadays very easy headache now is very painful... Don know izzit lack of sleep or wat... Hope can recover fast...

Think i going to have a good sleep first tomorrow going to work but don know can sleep anot.. Actually my wholte mind is mummy now... Haha crazy me..

.::What i try now is to relax myself::.

2005-07-03T01:40:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

To be true i don know wat am i doing in creative i blur with the things there... Like everything is so hard to catch up but i'm trying to give my best to it ok course... I actually thinking after creative go back to study still don know wat course i going but comfirm don wish to back to the course i study before... I just lowest period of my life that two year... I now can finally call say very proudly i put down lots of thing so don wish to be back like last time liao...

Anyway i think carefully i not going to celebrate NDP this as i plan to bring mei and my kor to see firework... Hoping to bring my two dear mei out as they complaining i long time nv talk to them or go out with them... So i prepare to bring them out before NDP... Maybe bring my xue di and mei out too... They also keep tell me i long time nv go sch see them... Haha you guys know how much i hate ITE when will i go back there to think of thoese stupid thing and see stupid people....

Many thank to those people really show love and care on me... Now i really see... Hehe i know at least someone in the world love me and i'm happy... Many thanks to those hate me cos they are the one who change me to be better person... And now i'm happy about myself and trying to do my best in life... Ok now going to sleep as tomorrow is my enjoy day... Haha no la my kor is driving me and my cousin out.. Tata

.::CAnt slp::.

2005-06-27T00:30:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Now is lready 2.20am in the morning but i still cant get to sleep... Maybe i slp till today 5pm ba so now cannot sleep... Hai tomorrow i will be working but i still cant sleep... Got so many thing come to my mind i don know wat to do... PLus today i never go service as i going to the expo the big service with someone... I really hope she can go with me as she long time never go service with me le... Don know how she is now? I lost the email she give me as my old email i long time never active it end up all my mail is gone... She is a great support in my sec school days... I don know she still in the same church as me anot i don even dare to sms her only her birthday i will sms her happy birthday if not i would not sms her... Now i still thinking do i have the courage to sms her anot... I know sometime i really cannot wan... God please help me...

I learning how to play music with kou qing... Haha i know how to play last time when i was young just that i long time never play le... My dad know alot oof music kou qing is he teach me when i was young... Haha still very weak with it as i really long time never play... Only know how to blow kid song... Haha

Ok i get tired abit le finally... Tomorrow i will be seeing my working frz, my first time to see them... Pray that God give me favour in my work... Hope i don feel like sleeping anymore...

.::NDP::.

2005-06-25T04:49:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Today i very sad cos i cant join this year NDP... I miss everyone over there... I miss the time i have with them... This year i finally found the song last year i hear at NDP... Is call Uniquely You... Finally i got the song... Now on my blog... I so happy now... Till now no one know where is sharon only know gurmit at jurong east... God help me know where she is... I already very sad cant join this year le... I don care next year i sure join again... NDP wait for me...

God this year i going to spend my money on NDP tickets again... Think is about $300-$400 i have to spend on... Last year i spend almost $300 le... Hope this year not so much... Pray hard and this year i very trouble cos have to run here and there... Pray hard i can meet up all my motivaters they all... I really miss them....

.::Tired day::.

2005-06-23T21:33:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Today i learn so much about mp3... I know alot of things that i thought i know... One way i get to know more fuction about the product, one way is i have hand on with all those product... My brain going to blast soon as there so much to learn about it... Thank God i still can handler it... So happy after tommorrow i can get my two days off... Cos i been working for a week like really working adult work five days aweek... I getting more mature in the way i talking le... I know wat are the things can say and wat cant... Is very hard but i try to do it... My stregth really cannnot do only my heavenly dad can help me...

After join creative i can really go back to church le... Praise God for giving me this chance back... And truely to back to him i have to get alot of courage... Forgiveness of him is sure have to... Second to serve him and getting back really me... This sat and sunday is a great challge to me i hope i will not run away anymore... There too many learning proccess... I meet too many nice people around is time to tresure everyone... Like everyone keep telling me i'm old enough to think for myself le...

Anway i meet a good boss cos he attand the same profuct trainning... And i still don know he is my boss kao very funny hor... Anyway he teach me alot of thing and give me alot of idea i really meet a very good boss... God you are good to everyone who believe you and those who hold on your name... You will help those whoever call upon your name...

God give me strength to face the problem i facing, give me the courage to do the things i wan... Let me be the child that glory you... Take away my weakness and be strong... Let me be prostive thinking... Do the way you wan God and not the way i wan to... Give me a path that lead me the way to my future that show of you lord jesus... As i admit i'm small in strength and weak... In me i cant but on you all thing is possible... Give me the power lord like you give moses... I claim of you words lord... I know wat u wan me to be i promise one day i be back to the place i you wan me to go just that now i wan to get something for myself and someone... God protect the person as the person is important to me... Watch the person everyday just like you watch over... I put my familys, loves, friends and everyone on your hand... For jessus name name... amem!

.::Creative::.

2005-06-22T06:59:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Good morning diary, today is my third day of my work to be true is like going to school study... Cos the first week i have to go lesson for product knowledge... Cool lor study alot of thing... Got paid even i study... Haha but next week onwards i will be going to CCC... (CCC) is my department... When go CCC mean i going to face customer soon... There alot of things to learn i meet a new friends over there he very good he go in same time as me and we under the same church... So qiao sia...

Anyway i going to work now... Cos i be meeting my friend and go work together... Tata... Love you so much...

.::???::.

2005-06-18T01:36:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Today i took mc for today cos my last night i never sleep well.. Cant say never sleep at all... I just cant asleep and stomach upset... So agnes let me off... Anyway they comfirm of my quit... So i going off this sunday as last day... Sorry to leave this big family... Till now i still thinking i did the right choice anot but i going to give my best to my new company... One way i finding my goal and see wat i wan...

Like today topic is ??? i don know wat i wan actually... I always follow wat other people wan for me... Is like not living for myself but others... I hoping to find my goal before 21 i really hope i can find it... If not i don know life is wat... No one can answer me this question yet... I really wan to know the answer... Nvm i take time to find it... But not long... At least i finding thing i wan to do le... Second i set goal now as joey teach me to find goal in life as big as possible... Now my aim is to get it... My aim is to get something before i 23 or 24 year old using my own effort to get it... Is hard but i will try... Now must learn how to control is a big problem i facing... I try and willing to do it... Hope there support for me...

Xin fu...........

.::Sleeping Day::.

2005-06-17T00:25:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Today i dream alot of thing, dreaming is something i love most... I sleep a very long hour today as the next three day i will be tired and also my last few days there also... I worry that i will cry this is been fan me cos i love to cry sia... So very worry...

Hear sharon is in this year ndp i can say i regret nv join this year ndp in march they invite me to join but that time i was with esprit so i give up... I can say i put in alot of effort for my work and now i kind of tired... Hope ting ting can go in jan or feb to make my dream come true...

I don know how to say lucky or wat this year my wish is all come true till i not asking as much as last time... I got this stupid dream and goal i know i cant make it cos alot of people will say stop dream but i will try and learn and give my best... I realise i love to this thing i always thought i play for fun but don know why this year i feel is like a dream i wan to be.. Is not something i wan to play... I know firstly mummy teo will sure say stop doing it but i hope i will get her support... And i willing to learn and do it the best.. The road is hard but i will try my best and give my all... Hope i find a good teacher first...

P/S Xiao s don be sad about it you did not know the mic is not off.. If is happen is happen don cry over it not big also... Surpport will be with plus really happy that da s and u use the file today... Remember to top up the tissue wor... If not u do the ugly thing don know throw where le... And xiao xin wor... Today see u and alex tu dance so worry u fall lor... Remember got thing to say find fan or makiyo or mike don keep teart... As for da s remember to take care of ur health.. Be strong gal...

.::Happy birthday to my dear::.

2005-06-15T01:15:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Today is my dear xiao s birthday... During the show she so happy and enjoy herself alot... Hope she really like the file we make and the greeting we give... Jia you wor... Everything you do must xiao xin le got baby must take care ok... Don anyhow jump hor... Don worry you now very popular la... Stop saying singapore people don know you k... Jia yo...

Anyway i make new design, this design i make i felt is so ugly haha... Will change once i free or i got new idea... Bad news is angeline don let me quit... Hai... I don know wat to do... Who care i be leaving soon... I just try to help out nowadays... That all only...

Ok talk about this few day... Hmm today my mood is ok cos i enjoy myself alot... Cos i catch big fish mah... But i missing someone terrible... i don even know who am i missing this is so funny... But i know i missing someone...

.::I need more rest::.

2005-06-13T00:52:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I'm so tired and need rest... I'm off yesterday and today but i just feel tired all over... When i know tomorrow i have to get back to work i feel so xin ku... I know i will be very stress tmr.... As i have to tell angeline i going to quit... I know wat they going to ask me as joey have teach me how to say le... Going to new place give me alot of new area to learn... I hope this time i do this decsion i will not regret... As i do it very hard...

Stress is wat i facing now... Pressure is wat i having now... why cant people give me so air to breath? Yesterday i did something stupid again i when to xbox at orchard area... Hoping to see her but i cant... Spend my time there till morning... Walk around the place still cant find the place she is... Sometime i just need someone i can talk to but not talking back to me is so hard... Only thoses u seldom see you see her you will feel good... And day will be brighter... today watch the whole day taiwan show but don have xiao s make me so xin ku... No one make me laugh and joke...

One thing till know i cannot understand... Everyone ask me to decide my life myself but when i decide everyone say i wrong... i ask people they say think urself... I don know wat human think actually... I think le but no one support me... Why always like that de... I don think say i not growing... Haiz so xin ku...

.::I belong to CREATIVE on 20 June::.

2005-06-10T00:59:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Today i finally sign my contact with creative... Is a hard choice to make but i really got no choice to give up esprit...

Today my mood is something up and down, i give up my place as the third in charge in uinted square... As things have happen to make me not feel as one there... I know i let chelsia and joey down but i told both of them before if i cant get use there i will give up... I need a new place to start off...

Anyway i'm so happy for xiao s as she got a baby soon... Congra... I wish her all the best in furture... And hope i can get leave to fly over... As i got leave from creative le... I wanted to save money to go hong kong is my wish now... Anyway i got my xbox le... My dad bought it as birthday gift for me... My wish is all make and done... I regret that the one i always i give my love is always the wrong person... And always got hurt that one thing i regret... I pray to God to let me stop love people cos everytime give whole heart but recieve is hurt is so painful... I wan to be cold blooded as possible better no feeling... Tears fall too easy for me and wish to have it...

Anyway this 19 birthday i very happy with it but the rest on the road i not going to care much... I just wan to earn money and got time go kbox with do... I simple love going kbox as i can let my heart out.... Now currently listen to fan fan new song 不眠 is very nice song i intro... Almost everyone i like not because she is xiao s best friend is just that all the song is nice...

A note for xiao s, di jia you... kan ni xin fu everyone is happy about it... I learn alot from u even i don see u in face you light up thing in dark for me... Too many things i don dare is because i think too much for others end up never think of myself... I decided to make one tattoo i still worrry i will stop because of wat other say... But di i should learn like u ba.. Don care anything but follow your heart.. See you and mike so lovely make me feel have a bf faster... Whaha but like u and me like to find someone is... Don say one those di fan will know.. Anyway everyone on ur side... Blessing to u...

.::First day in USQ::.

2005-06-07T00:38:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Today is my first day in USQ to be true i miss NVS so much... I cant believe today is my first time hate to work in Esprit... I prepare to quit... My heart is in NVS i like my boss and friends over there... I don know how to get along with the rest in USQ... Chelsia and Joey is so nice to me till i don know how to say... Esp joey yes she very hard to get along but she teach alot of things and let me grow... Yes i everyday i get scolded from her but i so use to it... I know she do all this is for my good... Joey know i not use to it there she keep walk over to USQ and take stock she seldom like that so good wan.. And when i finish work she sms me ask hows my first day there... Work over at USQ don even feel like talking or smile... Useally i like to smile now i cant... Sorry i not use to it...

I got very good birthday this year i'm so happy but one person make me very dispointed and that is miss ng she can even forget my birthday i really don know how to say... Just one sms to say happy birthday to me is that hard? I wan to thanks those who remember my birthday and send sms or greeting to me... This is so touch by you all... I not that type ask for gift if you all never buy is ok to me but a birthday wishes is enough and i'm happy at least i know you all remember... And for the rest did nothing i know who u are... Everyone know birthday is so important to me if u never repect me on my birthday than tat it... But i wan to say THANKS so much to all who have wish me happy birthday and gift... I love the gift is from NVS i will never forget this day! 4/6/05....

Die think my depression really start i count i cry more than one week le if this continue two week i have to see doctor le... I cry almost every night... Siao le la...

.::I so so touch by esprit::.

2005-06-04T23:21:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

As i writing this diary my tear keep falling... Today is my last day in NVS... Monday i belong to USQ already.... And today chelsia and rima and nadia celebrate with me with alot alot of surprise.... I dead touch... Super super... I was very unhappy this morning cos i very tired, and when i reach my work place my clothes was so mess.... Cant stand it... So i keep folding it... I did not realize chelsia when out to breaktalk and bought cake for me... When i folding finish chelsia call me i thought i did wrong thing cos she very angry like that... That rima bring me to store say esprit going to fire you... Kao say till that sia... Than slowly we go to the store i saw my BIRTHDAY CAKE!!!!!!!!! So happy i thought that all only... After that during lurch they bought pizza without my notice... I so surprise one more time... The last wan is most my happy time 3 store bought me a necklance... I'm dead happy...

.::A stress day::.

2005-06-04T01:14:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I so stress i pass my cashier test and i will be transfer to USQ... I score 94/100 for it... I be in USQ on monday... To be true i not prepare for it... Cos my heart now is in nvs i just wan to make the store sale well and forces more on work... Now the arrange is like that is so hard for me to change my mind... I don have much time to adjust it... Can you all believe i have to work on sat when i meet my loves le now like that... Yes on 5 i'm off to be true i nv meet anyone at all... Diary i'm not kidding... My tears fall so bad this week... I'm so stress i don know how to make decision...

To be true i needed badly for a break,... I wan to out of singaproe... I too stress some may think i should not stress for it but somehow it affect me.... I felt i drop to depression again... Start thinking of negative thing... I very scare now cos i been cry all night or if you say something wrong that i mind i cry... This is so bad now... I needed a good sleep mean i don have to care any sms or call... Just sleep nicely... That all i wan... Simple and easy...

Birthday maybe nothing special to some of you all just that to me is so important... My most happy time i think is during birthday ba... I think this year i will stay home and use sleep to celebrate with it... To be true i know my sec sch frz wan to celebrate for me but i not like last time roujie... I start to don know how to plan thing... I always plan ahead now i'm not... I felt i getting more worst and useless... Damn i like a fail my whole life...

When the night is fall, my dream when down too... Just waiting for the sun to rise and brighten up my day! Things may not be easy as you think till you done it... An effort you make a credit you earn...

.::6 more day::.

2005-05-30T22:26:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I kinda of sad cos i don know how to celebrate my birthday! This is true not kidding wan and very serious... First time of my life don know how to celebrate like i celebrate a million time before till sian like that... Is only 6 days i still think of nothing i kind of worry i very scare i going to stay at home do nothing for my birthday... I'm not that type nv think for birthday wan not i'm... Siao le arh am i going old or wat... Very scary....

There a small celebrate on the 4 june with someone wish come true... I wouldnt expect any gift from the person just wan the person to celebrate with me... And great i cant think of gift for myself... Cos i every year birthday will get something for myself now think of nothing wor... Cool right... I actually think of a gift for myself that is fly to taiwan and celebrate xiao s wedding... Yes she getting marry soon with her 35 years old bf mike.... Congra.... I so happy for her and enjoy the mood with her...

I very stress don know for wat also... Kao so so so so xin ku... Stress of stupid thing... I cant think of idea for 19 birthday i go think of 21 birthday... Siao right... I think of book 4 room of chalet to invite all my friends to stay over food provide and everything to join my celebrate for 3 days 2 night... Or book the whole zouk haha maybe that time i earn more i may not know also... Whaha...

Yeah rec birthday card le... I rec from my apostle kong... Thanks and test from pei pei... So qiao on the same day sia... Damn qiao sia...

STRESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

.::When my orince come::.

2005-05-23T00:50:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Don know why so many like to match me with other guy... Body shop people la wan me to match with the part time guy... So funny lor... Keep asking me i like him not he shui not... They all siao wan lor... Like i cant find guy like that... Find boyfriend is so easy nowadays... But find the one i love is hard... Hardly got guy can let me move... First the guy must know me first i cant stand guy only know me only few days wan steady with me... So stupid i don even know you well than go with u...

Hey all girls out there great singapore sale is coming... And that is tmr.. Watch out for sale everywhere... Esprit having 20% storewide for members... 10% for public... So let's do ur shopping... For these know i have staff price a bad news for you guys the staff price have drop to 33% so you wan to get anything now still got 50% after that no more le... Tmr going to be a busy day for me... Whaha...

My dream have been asking me now to sleep... To dream of my dream guy... Whaha... Kidding loves...

.::A world of mine::.

2005-05-21T19:05:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Soon i going to have a world of mine own le... I have plan something for myself hope soon the wish will come true.... Something happen yesterday... My first kiss to a guy... Whaha to my jonathan.... And my first kiss from a guy is adam... Haha so shy yesterday... We play pool who lose must kiss thw winner... First match i win adam than adam give me a kiss on my face... Whaha than they still video God this is crazy... Than i give a kiss to jon cos i lose.... So so shy... My first kiss give to my classmate whaha.... I mean guy la...

I found out something xiao s make her first tatto on her 19 year old... That wat i plan too... So qiao right... I still thinking of the pic i wan to put forever... Her first tatto on her finger wrote 19 in chinese... Haha so cute right... I think of puting it also but is on my ear... Wrote 19 on ear... Special right... Xiao s one her ear is a human... Mine is 19... But i very scare is painful.... Must ask joey see pain anot first...

But i wan to thanks joey they all give me more about fashion... I start to know which color suit the person... I wan to thanks them so much... A news to say... I recieve a news from creative they comfirm my position of working there le... I don know should i jump over anot... God give me a idea should i go over? I now working very smooth le i know more things when working there... Haizzzzzzzz..... Help......

Hey i finally got alex tu new song marry me... Yeah so happy... I going to buy the cd when i get my pay... On 26 may is a big day for me my first time in life going to talk about buying house... God help me... My mood now up and down.... I very puzzle now... Don know wat to do... Haiiii can believe i stil don know wat to do during my birthday... crap right... Of course my birthday is a must wan... I don care anything but i need a birthday cake... Last year they bought me one birthday cake i'm dead happy that simple wat i ask for if you cant afford things u cant buy a cake will do... I enjoy blowing candle haha...... Ok slping time... Xiao S miss u lots....

.::Oh Heaven my S CRY::.

2005-05-18T01:25:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I download last time yu bai on 21 May xiao s and da s eldest sister birthday... On 21 May 2003 Da S left the house... And never turn up for the show... And Xiao S cry during the show... Cry so so badly till i cry with her... My S don cry i know you love da s so much... Luckly everything turn out fine... I saw alot of last time of xiao s thing... S you are really my idol i want to be like you... Saw a show u with taozi... Taozi and S jia you we are always be with you... Taozi don cry on ur sofa pillow... You guys still got us to support us.... Xiao s if you wan to cry just cry hard don hold it... See you like that so xin ku... Can taiwan reporter stop asking so much about their personal life? Everyone is so xin ku le... Like s say being artist also got good and bad... Enjoy things that people cant but they also cannot enjoy normal people have... During that time i saw s cry she say one word that keep asking myself... Cos da s run away from home she say this da no matter wat family member is the only people that would not hurt u... Some thing wake me up also...

Haha yesterday wan to put online wan end up till now still now blog... Guess wat the time now? 4.23Am... I still havent slp soon i going to slp tml half day...

I have this very very crazy idea i wan to make tattoo on my hand... Still thinking wat to put.. Is life wan but i really wan to make one mark there... Or may be leg... Like da s... Is not i crazy over the than i follow them that... Just that i feel like too... Think sure alot of them will stop me of doing it but i see lor see how many people stop me if alot i don make ba...

Shit man i don have excitement in life nowadays... Must really find something high to do... So friday i going zouk and high whole night... And drink my fav voka....

.::Be yourself::.

2005-05-17T03:22:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I dead jealous of S's... They are really themself... They don even care who are you but they still is themself... Yes some words they say very hating But they are still themself why because not to hate you and keep the words? How i hope to be like them... Especial my di... I wan to be like her wor... Di hosting damn zhen dian.... Ai si le... Can believe my whole day keep dl show of di? Wan to learn so so much from her... The way she act, host and singing...

Tian arh ting actually like taozi sia... Oh heaven from sec sch i did not know she like the same person that i like... Taozi is the first artist i even bought CD means is copywrite wan... I like her song till siao also all taozi song i know how to sing... And wat ting go taiwan always can saw taozi... Grrr how i wish i can see her again...

Talk about idol my first channel 8 idol is chen liping... Cos of aiyoyo... Love the teacher chars so much that why i love teacher maybe because of her ba... When i was a kid i actually got film one show... Only i show that is very famous wan guess wat is cai hong xia re ying... Cant believe it right... I don know where i throw the t-shirt they give me... That time go filming actually give us the t-shirt...

Taiwan first idol i think is zhang xiao yan... Don know felt she like mother type very good... Mostly her hosting ba always make me laugh sometime... And mostly is my family like her so i like ba...

Hong kong is chen song ling... She also someone i go bought her cd.... I love some of the song mostly is one movie i watch in my church is she act wan till i go crazy over her and join her fan club last time... Really dead crazy over her... Now also...

Channel 8 first male idol is Chen hai wei because of the teacher show he act also... Kao why i like everyone is teacher wan... Diao... He very handsome i still very like him...

Taiwan first male idol is Yu chen qing sorry don know how to spell his name... Maybe all those nice song he sing i really love it... So so nice...

Hong kong first idol is edwin siu ba... He very shui and cool and becuase i his char ba...

Oh ya talk about idol... Alex tu new album MUST buy very nice... Esp the marry me... Kao i like that song so so much... I must buy... You guys must hear it... Sorry now cannot dl cos the album haven out... I watch taiwan show hear it wan... Album will be out in taiwan on 17 may and yes is today... Yeah don know singapore will be out today anot... Cant wait to hear it again... Make me find it like siao...

Jolin new show tian kong very nice you guys must hear... Erm anymore nice song? Cant think of it when i hear it than tell u all ba...

Is sleeping time for me as my dl still haven done... Nite muacks to my DI S ai ni ai dao si... hahaha di compose de song... Night DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

.::A day just pass::.

2005-05-16T02:33:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Finally my boss give me off on my birthday... The problem is i don know how to celebrate it... How wonderful is it right... My birthday is on sunday... I have ask someone to go out with me the whole day... I hopefully is me and the person don wish anyone to be along... Praying hard... My cousin say she is buying me a keyboard piano don know true anot but i'm happy abt it... I really hope to get it... As many people know i actually love music alot so hoping to learn music also... I only know how to play few song only... Don even learn from teacher.. Haiz so sad...

Help now already 15 le abut 20 days more is my birthday le... I going old oh my heaven... Wat should i do... Growing old each day... cant believe me wat will happen to me in 5 years later... Die wat should i do?

i was listening da s one song with zai zai very nice... I'm surprise of her voice and singing skill... Is very good very nice... Good job Da jie... Jia you Da Jie and Da Jie xiao S... S's jia you wor....

Xiao s arh don always make kang you ke la... He very ppo thing le... See you always in show call him bookworm so poor thing... Anyway it make the show more lively... S's xin ku you two le... One helping with he ren with the kids one doing yu bai... see you two running here and there... 8 tai let them rest awhile la... Hope you guys show hit 10....

As for xiao zhu my dear boy boy see la say this type of thing to makiyo now so many angry with u... Somemore you hosting with S's wan to die arh... Last the sister gang come you than know... Xin mei jie show hit one now on the way to bali le now you all like that haizzzz..... Jia you make yu bai anice show...

Ok tmr is half day for me... Firstly go hm watch kangsi or yu bai.... But i think is rerecord wan so don know i watch before anot... Tmr onwards whole singapore esprit NO MANAGER AND GM lets mess up the whole shop... Go go go... Whaha they all will me in malaysia... Whaha...

FOR THOSE like GREAT SINGAPORE SALE.... Esprit having 20% storewide on MAN, LTW and RFC from 7.30pm to 11.30... SOME ITEM ON 60% discount... Wan know date tag me... Will let you guys know...

.::Xiao S::.

2005-05-14T01:57:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Everyone say friday 13 is a bad day... I don think so as i whole day stay home do nothing but sleeping like a pig... I keep on sleeping if not visit asos forum check update on them... I so angry with xiao zhu how can he nv say thanks to makiyo when she give her flower in the furnal? So angry with him... But xiao s did something good give xiao zhu a staring eyes... Xiao s got her own special char... Love her so so much nowadays... Xiao s very good at compose song sia... Love one of her song... So nice... I going to blog on my blog next week...

I doing a something call photo blogging... Mean i will blog every day my daily pic on blog... Trying very hard on coding nowadays to do... Hope by next week will done... Is a big project to me sia...

Ting ting is going taiwan around july... I maybe joining her... hope can make it... Praying hard... As nowadays taiwan so many trouble....

I love xiao s so much one things is her char... One is she last time not pretty wan... Now she like a princess sia... She last time very tai now she so chio... I love the way she act herslf... The courage to go through different things in life... She not scare of anything... Mostly she also june baby... Anyway i support xiao s now.... As for sharon trying to forget her soon le.. Hope by she left i see her i will not cry... Trying to take xiao s to cover her... I know is impossible but i will try... As sharon stand in my heart too big place le... I almost drop back to depression because of... When think of her i don feel like eating... Keep torture myself like that... so i try not to think of her... Cos think of her also cannot see her so so sad... But see from dan blog sharon ejoy herself... I so happy for her... She is herself again... Anyway wish her all the best...

A pic of my xiao s cry... So so sad...

">

.::爱死小S了::.

2005-05-12T04:03:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

This few days i been using chinese to do tping... Oh God my han yi is like shit sia.... So many works i have to think like days to knw how to type... But is fun... Question is why i using chinese to do typing cos i join ASOS fan club and they mostly read in chinese so i have to type in chinese... And great i hardly even write chinese nowadays, not even my chinese name i now doing chinese typing... Crazy me... Haha

I realise most of the taiwan artist when through depression before like da s xiao xuan and more... Cant believe it wor...

Hey i make alot of wishlist that cannot be done it wan.. I think i siao liao...

1)A trip to taiwan
2)See xiao s in person
3)Xiao xuan new book
4)ASOS third album(this wan i can make it but i hardly see it nowadays)
5)A date out with sharon
6)On my birthday wish mummy was there....
7)A new laptop
8)My dream house
9)Get a dipolma
10)A NZ trip with mummy teo

Things i can be done...

1)A spa
2)Xbox
3)A pair of covense shoe
4)200Gb harddisk
5)A trip to KL or genting
6)A trip to HK
7)A wallet must be very nice
8)A huge winnie the pooh or teddy bear

Wow so many wishlist wor... Think me really siao liao... Yes today is my off day finally... And is is a two day break so i got time to design things i like... So happy...

.::New design::.

2005-05-10T06:26:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

How your new look? Like it? Wat about my frz? How is it? I love it so so much sia... Hehe And i love xiao s also? How the song? Nice riht xiao s and xiao xuan wrote wan... Cute right... Is about sister gathering... Damn nice song i like it... Make my day so so happy... Xiao S jia you....

Ok today my off day when orchard to meet jes... Two of us trying luck to see sharon will be there anot... Haha kind of fun la... Than talk alot of stupid things too... Today my japanese lurch so cheap only $5 cos they give me back changes wrong... Haha i earn $4.50 back... :)

Today mood was fun cos i watch alot of my fav xiao s show... Cool sia... I so happy and hear that creative asking me back for second interview... Cos the manager like my char... Oh yes hope can change jobs soon... Yeah... Today is a good day.... Miss you mummy....

.::My mood have not been good nowadays::.

2005-05-08T00:42:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

My mood was so so so down nowadays... I been using work to stop thinking of things but sometime something cannot say don think... Cant believe when i walking to usq to take stock i actually keep thinking of sharon... I been missing her nowadays so so much... My surrounding make me keep thinking of her... I don know how to forget her...

Now is mothers days.... If those people know me damn well know i hate this stupid day alot... As i always get hurt during this date... My mum just now dare to ask me tmr is wat day... Cant believe she ask me this... Cant she forget 3 years ago wat she say to me?

On my birthday i have to work... I dead dead dead sad sad... I almost cry just now in esprit... Birthday so so so important to me and i have to work how can.... If no one celebrate birthday with me i can get myself one cake and celebrate myself why i have to work? Cant they know how much is so important to me? Once a year i can be happy? As i type my tears drop like crazy... I hate myself now... I like working for money...

To be true i still don know wat i live for? I don know why should i live? I always a trouble to people why i should be in the world? I cant help much to people... And people now all don need me for wat i live? Everyone say live for myself.... For wat live for urself? When you close ur eyes so many things u don have to think already... I still finding the meaning of live... As i see the world i don know why should i live... The way i learn is so different when i see... As i work in esprit i saw many many things... Example you parent got tell you when you finish playing ur games please put back in order right... But in esprit these mothes see things always nv zip the bag or anyhow throw... So different... I cant stand it lor... Some more worst parent ask children don make spoilt people things if they make spoilt they hit or scold the children... But my esprit clothes always got spoilt or stain... So so so much different... I don know wat they thinking...

I cant accept the world to be true... Everyone so so serious in their work no jokes or anything... Why cant they think in different way? I so so xin ku to except the world now... I don know how to face the future... Everyone think so different.. This world is a cold blooded world... As they are just actinging don know when they are really true...

Future to me is nothing... As you don know wat will happen tmr? Why so many thing of future when you don know tmr? You may die tmr you also don know... Think for future can but when it will happen that another thing... Haiz... Trouble by the world....

.::Interview::.

2005-05-07T00:45:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Finally finish my interview in creative... Don know they wan me anot, if they wan me i have to say quit to esprit le...

Oh God why i keep thinking of sharon... Can stop thinking of her... Been trying damn hard to forget her asap... As i don wan to think of something... But i cant stop thinking... Why am i always like that? Idoit me... If give me one more chance i wish i don even know sharon this person... Now may le i keep thinking of aug..... Haiz... I cant bear to leave her... Have learn some jap to tell her something... Don know when can see her very scare i forget how to say le...

i been watching this show call Say Yes Enterprise.... You guys can get it from poh kim... I love it so so much.... In side all the love story is so nice... I cry in some of the story... My tears just drop when i see... Simple and nice....

I finally watch my Jay concert vcd and fish leong want.. Bought so long now got time to watch it.... Time is so fast for me... I spend my time like water.... So fast till i scare... My birthday is coming very very soon... Everyone say one month still so long... to tell the true i don dare to celebrate my birthday... I don know how to celebrate this year... I not kidding i really don know how to celebrate... I don know should i celebrate anot.... Every year celebrate birthday loves wan also not around i don know why should i celebrate... Everyone ask me wat birthday present i wan... I don know wat i wan also... But i been thinking of spending a night at beach... I wan to see sunrise... I so so so long nv see sunrise le... Nv hear the wave so long...

I finally bought a watch in esprit... For many many years i nv been wearing a watch cos of two things... The first time i love someone so much i bought the same watch as the person was wearing end up one day i found out is a couple watch make me so sad many years nv wear watch again.... Second wan is my first birthday present from someone and is a watch... But don know why one day the watch i wear got lose and forever so long i don like to wear watch le... I hope this time the watch i bought don give me bad memory again... I damn hate it when i wear watch...

Is bed time le... I hope my dream will ot be long... when is time to wake up is time to wake up.... Dream is always a dream it will not happen in really life... I dream of so many thing nothing have happen only bad things happen... Haiz...

.::Tears drop when i see daniel blog::.

2005-05-06T02:37:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Today my tears drop when i saw daniel blog... I saw pic of sharon they all in japan... A question come to my mind how can i be like sharon? When she with her close people she is herself... A sharon without mask? She only take off her mask when she with her close frz or family... But i keep wearing a mask all day long... Only when i sleep my mask will be off... Its so tired...

Today alot of people pm me... Cos some saw my nick or my blog... Say i actually not a loser... A reason ask me why i always have to go through wrong than i can learn my wrong... I did so many wrong already why cant one time let me do right? Tomorrow i going for interview at creative le... I don know wat to do now... Should i continue esprit... Please someone pls advice me.... Anyway i wan to thanks those who have encougage me just now...

I become more and more perfect person if possible but i hate it so much... I very scare to get fall down again... Is so hard for me from fall to get back... Esp i don have frz support or wat... I cant effort to fall... I very scare... Something i don wan to get it again... And i don know wat am i also now... My working frz all working for money like that... I keep don wan to earn money... I very scare i become like them... Yes i get more to be in fasion but some of the things i wouldnt wan to learn...

Haiz bring my sadness and trouble in my dream... Pray hard my dream wouldnt spoilt.. As i still wan my best dream...

A question in my mind wat kind of person am i? When can i be myself? Am i a human anot? Why i keep feeling i like a robot? Nothing special in life? Haiz

.::Tired day::.

2005-05-05T01:26:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Today is a tired day for me... Tomorrow i will be working with joey... Not i not happy working with her just that i don know wat she wan from me... Pray hard not a hard job... I going on friday for interview at creative... I let God plan for my future, see him wan me to go where... As i am a no future person... I'm kind of sad as my friends in primary school with me 4 years waiting for uni... And me wat am i doing? Am i a fail? Why in primary school don wan to study well... All because em3 is so easy i go there... Haizzzz.... From em1 go till there... Who will believe... Now good la all ur 4 years friends mostly in uni now... You lei? Haizzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

If i nv see my primary school friend i still don feel bad now... I feel so so worst... I don know wat kind of person am i now? Am i stupid? Why my whole life is like a game to me... I cant make things perfect? Just once in life that i would be proud and everyone also?

To be true if people as me wats my dream i can say nothing!!

.::Happy early mothers day!::.

2005-05-01T01:17:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Just come home from orchard.... When celebrate my dear aisyah birthday... Happy birthday gal... When rebond my hair today... Look nice somemore got people say like fann wong hair style make me so happy....

After making my hair i meet my mummy... An early mothers day celebration with her... I love you so much mummy... You just always make my day... Sorry did not mean to be late cos i did not know you are so much early... Actually is not late... haha Mummy are you surprise of the program i plan for you? Hope you like it... Don worry one day i will bring you to spa... We go together ok... Did not any gifts this year but mostly is from heart give de... Think you see it also le...

Today i just so much happy... Even i'm not happy with my work... But today i just so much happy... Esp my mummy.... Even i sick i still very happy... down with flu... Haiz so sad... Mummy also got it... Just now wan to go zouk wan but mummy know i going... She so good she say don go too late and don drink... End up we nv go cos is full... Haiz zouk so many people wan...

Tomorrow i have breakfast meeting... So i not going to sleep wan to enjoy myself... And i nv work but the meeting is a must la... Oh ya haven tell you guy i going to work in creative very soon... Ya i change job... k i go enjoy le... Love you

.::Fever::.

2005-04-28T00:27:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Been running fever the day before yesterday, feel whole body so hot... Cant even sleep and so xin ku... Hai been sick...

Yeah finally i moving to masiling, is comfirm le... So i will be inform all my friend to my house... Even is a resale flat is ok for me... I so happy i can move le... Move to a new place to start a new life... And i taking O level maybe... After two years i be study Mangerment course in singapore 4 uni... So pray hard for my study... Don think i'm a person don like study ok... Must think for future...

I been listen to twin song cos i bought their for a month and i nv open and listen... Haha wasting money sia... Not bad got my fav song... So love it... Learning their song... Watch tv show got them they look kind of cute... Hehe Think they going to my idol soon...

Haha next time visit miss ng very easy sia, cos only two stop.. Haiz i saving alot of money sia... Have to pay school fee everything esp my dept.... Haiz headache... Trying to save 10k within this two year... So pray me that i can do it....

Ok is time for me to slp tomorrow got work... Night... Love someone dearly...

.::Haiz::.

2005-04-25T23:09:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I think i'm not serious at work at all! Have i give my best already? This question keep wondering me, one month to go if i never show improve and that it my esprit life... Cant work there anymore, ya can say i never understand mine teamate... During working time i should not use my phone or check sms... Hai alot more... Got say by agnes and joey last week... Anyway they understand why also... I really hope to stay in esprit as its my dream and goals now...

Nowaday i realize many people not really serious in work, they only keep thinking of changing work or things is unfair to them... First of all have you did any mistake? Or something goes wrong with you if not thing would not happen right.. Alot of people like me also always think everything is unfair to them but they don know they actually did mistake... This is what joey teach me... I learn so much from joey and angeline... Esp angeline when i'm down she sure beside me... That day i got miss understand by joey till she shouted at me, i'm so sad and cry actually... After work i actually talk to joey and we talk alot... She understand me more too...

Currently i have to go home bath and straight go sleep no more of playing games or what... As i realize i actually not enough engery when it come afternoon or night... So everything have to replan again... I have to get up early for work so i can have my breakfast... Cos i have no time for my dinner le... And i have to eat fast during lurch so that the rest can eat... And sorry to those keep call or sms me... Esp to lin don mistake me again not i don wan to answer ur call or sms or msn is working cannot use handphone... From now on i may off my handphone so no one call contact me... Work now is so much important to me... As i keep this for living...

A message to this person who tag in board please don be stupid or think i'm stupid i know who did it... Cos i check the ip address don forget what i study... Don force me not to be friend with you...

So many day never blog as the mood not good plus i'm very tired this few days... As joey give me more job to do and i almost cant handler it... God give me strength in my work... As for my thyroid please control it... As i realize my weight dropping again... So please help me God don like this diesease over control me... As i nowaday damn easily tired and no strength... God for the one month i keep eating my medi so don let me don have engery i very guai already... I never stop eating...

Today was chatting to someone my favourite... And that is mummy teo... Only by sms but it make me happy... Is so good to rec message once in thw while or meet up... As my perious post in diaryland i say before never meet a person almost everyday or talk or sms... One day you sure run out of topic to talk and keep talking the same thing... A friendship is very hard to say forever even the best friendship have break up before... This is the reason i like to meet people once in the while if not i don know what should i say...

Just now i listening to daniel and elieen podcast... They talk about be yourself... I so true sometime you don really have to change alot remember to stay some... Don like me change so much till i don know who am i... I think if one day i still cannot know who am i or love myself till one end... I don think i go on a relationship... See if you don know who are you how can you know a person? It so easy to understand, alot of people cannot do have relationship they need someone care but they actually don love the person they only using... This is why i don anyhow go on relationship... If i don love the person i actually make use the person if i go relationship them...

God where is my design? I cant think of design please help me... I love design don let it go.....

Haiz why world have so many trouble? Or we give ourself trouble? Or we just think too much? There is so many why? When can i finsih understand the why?

.::Sad::.

2005-04-23T09:22:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Yesterday i saw my mummy at school gate going to go somewhere... And i saw someone in her car, a gal siting in the front sit... I so pissed off at that time... Yesterday night i really hardly sleep, as i keep thinking... My mood was down till i cant stand it... I hope is i over thinking and not the thing i'm thinking of...

Saw sharon wore the dress in the conference... Was happy she look nice on it and so pretty, she reply to the letter i wrote to her... Thanks so much! Even i was down yesterday you make me feel abit better than nothing...

I going to move house soon... Massiling sorry don know how to spell... Or maybe toa payoh area, as so many people know here i stay le... Of course i will invite some friend to come to my house... See how my dad plan...

My mood still very bad, i miss mummy badly... Hope mother day will change everything... Love you so much...

.::I wish i can fly::.

2005-04-17T01:36:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I wish i can fly up to the sky and enjoy myself in the air... Today i'm late for work, something i don wan to happen it... As i make a vow in jan say i would never late again... End up i'm late for work for 1 hour... I'm actually damn angry about it... As i break my vow... Is like you wan to have a new life end up a mark come back ur life again... Lucky chelsia they all help me...

I work from 1 to 5, than i have to help them to catch about 600 of sales... I did my best about 500 within the 4 hours... Tomorrow i half day again i will try my best get them more sales... Yes my rima dear is back to work... she having fever for about 4 days... Very poor gal... Finally she back... I so so happy... Yeah... Today at work was fun cos chelsia la make fun of me i make fun of her... Than we play around... The driver also, haha lots of fun...

Have some sms with mummy teo just now... She say of quiting her job... As she felt very tired and stress... I did not give her any comment only give her the support she need... As i'm not that type know how to give concern by words only action and letter can show it... Don know why i actually hate people tell lies to me end up i like it... I know things would happen but the promise make me happy... I will carry the promise even i know i will get hurt or sad... But some lies i cant stand also... Haiz...

Tomorrow i going to see sharon don know why i don wan to see her... If i see her the more i worry and care for her... Because of I do i do vcd make me wan to see her... Cos i put down sharon le end up cus of i do i do i wan to see her... Cant believe myself actually watch more than 20 times till some of the script i remember le... The show touch my heart till i been nv eat... I lose of feeling of eating again.. Hate this lor... Now i keep stomach pain, or keep going to toliet... Grr hate it... I cant let this mummy know... As she know my stomach pain is been so long le... And i still nv recover... Haiz... I damn like the i do i do song.... Haiz... help stop i do i do....

Ok going to slp tml got work

.::Wishing a trip to Hong Kong::.

2005-04-15T01:45:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Today is my off day, i stay at home the whole cos i need a good rest at home... Cos i not having enough sleep this few days... Yes i got 8 hours of sleep but i still need more... Cos now i put more effort in my work, doing my best for my job... Nowadays i try to do more things, never eat snake nowadays... As i want to do well in my job...

Currently keep thinking of study at new course... COS erm i don know should i do it anot? As i really got a scare in my ITE in mapherson... From my favourite subject to a subject i dislike... And the pressure i have alot of people may can take it as for me, i cant take it... Erm can say i useless but the surrounding of the school really make me don like it... Alot of them know i don anyhow run from school or never study school. Even i work i also don anyhow say i don wan to work, just that the school i cant get the pressure from my form teachers and some classmate... I'm thinking i take private school or go ITE? So i giving up my info com... Even i love it so much i really don have the mood and effort in that course already... I'm thinking of study design course... Don when i start love to design web page... Is something i don even think of it... Still thinking of studing it anot...

Planning of going hong kong... There change so much, so i want to have alook of it... And also can look for my friends there... Think also hope to see me soon also... There are my bbs forum friends... There are always very nice people when i down they encourage me, pray for me they are alway there for me when i in need... Hope to save a some of money...

I'm currently planning to save money, cos i love to any how spend money le... Is time to know how to save money... Don know why i keep thinking money is very easy to earn... Maybe i still never go through hard time yet... But if i still have this thinking it will make me a useless person and people who dislike me... As alot of them keep using me like they like... Too bad an sorry to all who keep using me... No so easy to use me nowadays... As i finally learn how to reject and say no... I thought i cant do it, finally i know how to do it... Why force myself to do something i don wish to?

I wanted to find a teacher that i lost contact for many year... She is madam wong wai ling... If i never remember wrong she is my english teacher in primary 3 and primary 6 my art teacher... If i also nv remember wrong she got english name call sharon... I remember when i graduate in primary 6 i when to her house with jane and peien... If i nv forget... I remember she stay near yishun... But i forget how to get there already... She give me her pager last time but i lost in when i go secondary school... Don know how is she already... Hope she been well...

As for church i now haven give my 10% offering to church... I know is my wrong, i think is time make my offering now... Cannot always like don care church le... As i know now church is a very important place... Bible story become more really to me, as walking my career life...

Ok is time to sleep... Diary got time i will sure write again... Love you so much diary... Cos you keep alot of my life story... :P

.::Dear sharon please take care::.

2005-04-10T23:47:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I just reach home not long ago... When to mediacrop to see sharon, was surprise there is no fans waiting for their idol... Was surprise i'm the only one over there waiting... Haha... Not long sharon was out... I was wondering is that sharon? Cos i remember how her car look like, the car plates but the driver was very different... When i comfirm was sharon i'm dead sad... Even she ask want hop on the car i say yes... I should be happy but the problem is she become more slim and her face really slim down lots lots lots... My heart ache.... Haizzz

She was asking why i was there... Cos kinda of miss her... Cos i really long long time nv see her le... So was thinking how is she so better do visit her.. Than during the car she keeping her self that she is very uselss... She cant even do that... She say she felt more worst than she nv get the star award thing... And she say she nv been such a failure before... And she keep saying herself useless... I keep remind her that she is not useless... She already give her best... If she continue she faint in the show that more worst right, dear sharon hope u don pressure urself... You did ur best gal... Haiz than she send me back to novena square.. Oh ya i finish work straight away go find her end up there again.... Was telling her i working there than she say she do wan to visit my shop one day.. Hope the day will come... Plus she say wan to eat fish and co together i do not mind that... Think my managers will allow also.. Sharon au lor... If she don allow i going to kill joey... Haha.. After that i give her a hug and she return me back by two kiss... Haha sweet kiss... And i left the car... And she when home....

During the joungy back home, i was sad cos of her health and become more slim... Make me feel heart pain for her... Hope she will gain back her weight... All the best to her plus remember sharon God will always hear ur prayer.... Even u so long nv pray to God, he always with u... Not because is Good Friday u go back church... You have the heart wil do.. If u really pray u give up maybe is God answer for u to give up... So don worry, siao now i know how to talk... Just now i don know how to say this to her... Stupid me... Idoit... Haiz...

Sharon u did ur best everyone will support u, nv think urself is a failure... Remember u r the best... Love you always... See u soon in my shop take care...

.::What is really love?::.

2005-04-09T00:43:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

So many days i nv been here to blog cos i was thinking of my future things, planning what am i going to do in future... When to one interview they going to pay me up $3300 for being sale consultant but as for my age i'm not going to up this job... Even is good but i just don want... As i enjoy my job in esprit... So what for i choose a job with high pay... Yes i can afford alot more things, and paying up people money but if i nv enjoy myself in the work i have there will be no fun...

Today everyone is very surprise i very hard working today cos i nv go eat snake... I do finish up my job and today my sale among the 4 i got the highest... Cos is time for me to repay them back... As i learn alot of things from them... Telling them so good to have them... :p We change our uniform do free to go any of the esprit shop and have a look...

I do I do out soundtrack and VCD... I just out it today... I ask my friend to help me buy... Cos nv watch in movie as i'm been working no time for movie... Plus if i watch in movie i scare i not watching i'm talking... Haha... In this show tell me alot of things... How sharon got cheated by the guy, how much she put her love for that guy end up she wanted to end her life... I was once like sharon in that char... Almost wan to end up life as i do not know what i have in my future i was down till no one expected... This maybe shock to some of them that don know me well... Don know why till one end i don know why i'm alive for? Actually is not alive for who but urself... That why others told me before... But to me that time i cant even hear all this in... When someone is down she really cannot hear anything in expect for love to talk to them nicely... Sharon got Adrian to help her up... I got my mummy teo to pick me up... If that time she nv rush to my house i don think i will still continue typing here... And mostly my shifu who always talk to me on phone when i down... If this two not with me i be in heaven with God lei... During that time thyroid is make me gone crazy... I even of thinking to make the thyroid worst so that i can die faster... Damn stupid crap... Ya think of so many way... Very stupid... During that time miss ng they all make me feel worst, they only giving me more stress as they don know what i thinking at that time... Got one time after the cell i was whole day downstair mummy teo blk... Even she was not with me but i know she just upstair me... I cry so badly...

Actually now i make myself more clear in life... As for planning in life... Everyone in life they have to gone through down and let them get up by themself if not they done know when they will pick up by themself... I learn and learned very well...

As for now life to me is important... Maybe everyone till one age they will wake up... Maybe this may be super surprise for you guys...

1. I trying to enough more money for my dad and mother try to make their wishes come true... As they are so old already...

2. My mummy teo... This maybe surprise every thought mummy teo i always put the first wan why end up like that? Cos who is the one bring me up? So she will be second in place but i do love her lots... Can do anything for her of course...

3. God i know i should place God in first place i'm wrong but i did try to put God first but i don know why is not from my heart... Even my mouth say but my heart not... And i'm lying wat for... But i can still say i'm still christian cos i do love God... He help me alots also... Maybe i do not know now but in future... I keep praying to God give me more of him so i can know him more and he will be in my first place... I trying to make myself to study more the bible... And understand it... So God i give my part hope you do also...

4. The rest of my friends why i put 4? Some is my best friend or friend i do not wan to rank everyone cos everyone come in the 4 place in my life... As you guys is very important to me... I understand life without friends support it will be no meaning less...

Career Plan
And my career life is i'm going to be senior sale assistant in esprit... As first part of my biggest plan i make myself... First time i plan for my future so wish me luck.. I'm giving myself 1 plus year to be it... Hope i can make it... God wish me bless me... After that maybe change to work as admin or maybe study my favourite subject... Think u guys also don know... Account... Maybe getting a dipolma for it...

Traveling
I'm currently planning to bring mummy teo to NZ this end of year... So i still planning...
Second i also planning to bring my daddy and mummy to hong kong... So wish me...

Wishing
I'm giving myself 5 years to get myself a nissan march... It cost 60k for a brand new car... So i'm trying hard for it... Cos i don wan my dad to fetch me here and there... And i don wan him to take bike also le.. He too old for this le...

Buy a new stall for my dad and mother... They still love to be hawker life... Esp my daddy he love to cook to much... See him like that i planning for that for him...

Planning to change house this year if possible... If trying to go HDB hub to see how it goes... Not under my name of course is under my mum and dad.... As they old i try see how much i can effort for them...

As for my prince let it nature... If it come it come like i do i do.. What adrian and Hui... If it yours it will be yours... :P

Ok that all for my planning... And my future life... Simply me, simple thought and a simple life i wan to live.. In life sure have win or lose, stand or fall is the matter how you forward and wat time of attitude you put in... Haiz going to 19 le than know how to stand up this lesson took very long le... Should put a fullstop on it... It should not be continue...

Goodnight my friends... God blessing with you all always... Smile... Remember don keep collect the unwanted stone in your heart in will put more weight till you cant carry... Remember to put down if not you are letting yourself die... Take Care...

http://www.photos.experiment-i.net/albums/album08/aag.thumb.jpg
Peace Princess Faith

.::New Hair style::.

2005-04-04T00:35:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

I have a hair cut finally.... Felt so nice with it... Cos jeff cut my hair till very nice... I love it sia... If jeff cut it like shit i going to kill him... Haha... Oh this few week i nv come to blog cos i design of my blog, second is i keep playing my games... And andrew was me out during late at night so most of my time is enjoying myself that all...

I love my shop more and more... I think angeline start to know liao... So nice lor so style... And we have a red earth gal... Yeah i so happy cos i no nut of make up... But joey was not very happy cos the com go to the red earth gal le... So haiz... Don know how to say... I finally found the game that joey wan to play might and magic is like 8 year old games lor... But lucky i smart know where can buy it.. Hehe....

During my working time saw a few friends come visit me, wen wen, sufeng, jason, angie, gerogo, kungue and pei pei... Thanks for visiting but most of the time you guys nv see me cos i go eat snake... Haha...

Oh yes tomorrow i working with chelsia so happy wor... chelsia also very happy too... Haha so long nv work with her... Not long la about few days but i miss her lots lor... Just now we talk on phone cos no customer so i ask her to talk to me... I love working with her sia... Not stress de... And she help me lots lor... Thanks her so so so much...

Ok i be super super this week, cos germary Esprit Collection director coming to my shop... So i will be super damn busy... Pray hard they don ask me question cos i don know how to answer them....

.::When Christmas Come to Town::.

2005-03-29T02:12:00.000+08:00

When Christmas Comes To Town - MATTHEW HALL AND MEAGAN MOORE

La, la, la, la.....
I'm wishing on a star
And trying to believe
That even though it's far
He'll find me Christmas Eve
I guess that Santa's busy
Cause he's never come around
I think of him
When Christmas Comes to Town
The best time of the year
When everyone comes home
With all this Christmas cheer
It's hard to be alone
Putting up the Christmas tree
With friends who come around
It's so much fun
When Christmas Comes to Town
Presents for the children
Wrapped in red and green
All the things I've heard about
But never really seen
No one will be sleeping on
The night of Christmas Eve
Hoping Santa's on his way
Repeat previous two paragraphs
When Santa's sleigh bells ring
I listen all around
The herald angels sing
I never hear a sound
When all the dreams of children
Once lost will all be found
That's all I want
When Christmas Comes to Town
That's all I want
When Christmas Comes to Town

.::Day by Day::.

2005-03-28T09:42:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Yesterday wan to type my blog but i just too tired, end up dose off at my computer table... Ya my boss keep asking me to work full today... Haiz i so tired wor... Never mind la.. Help them lor co i eat snake alot also... Yesterday i go wisma take stock so i go home at 9, good hor... Don know why my boss always ask me go take stock give me chance eat snake izzit... Shiok sia... I can do some shopping whenever i take shock... Yesterday is so fun... Riyah and aisah so fun sia... They la keep playing and playing... Than winnie the pooh and me keep laughing non stop...

Life past day by day for me, so fast i work in esprit for 2 month already... So happy to know them... Chelsia is the best senior sale assistent... Like her so much... Always play with me and i fan her lot... Haha we almost everyday sms each other... Is so nice to know her... At first i don really like them cos i seldom talk to her... But now ok le... I love talking to them... Going to work is something i wish for now... One way i get my pay and another way i enjoy myself lor... :P

Today blog will not be long cos i working at 10.30 but now i still at home typing blog ok got to rush off to work... If not my head drop.... whaha... Love ya.. Esp my baby...

.::Life lesson i learn::.

2005-03-25T18:21:00.000+08:00

Everyone once in their life have a slient time... Where everything they don care and wan to live life as simple as they can... Even how good relationship will be one day will break down or lost commucation... Is good not to meet the person often, let the person in ur heart forever than u care alot for the person... Something i learn now... What for spend so much time with the person now... Cos the person in ur heart already... I felt last time i very stupid thought always spend time with the person the person will know how much i care for the person, actually it make things worst... The person will more don care for you, cos the person everymin can see u or you own self will contact her so wat for the person care for you right...

Why suddenly i close my blog in diaryland cos lots of people know about my thyroid thing... Everyone start to concern for me, but i don really care about it... Why i say so cos i told one people another will spend to another one.. Those last time i love once before start asking how am i... Did i eat my medi... So funny i sms them last time no message reply now because of my thyroid they start to care for me... Funny... Every week at least one message from them... I keep asking myself why last time spend my time on them reason very easy cos i lack of love... What a stupid answer i keep finding for...

Like now so many people wan to meet me but now i cant meet them they very angry with me cos no time for them le... But when i have time for them they take me for fun... Hai why human must go through so much than will learn...

Yesterday my cousin give me a big scolding say i care for her too much ask me not to care for her that much... For that case i wouldnt care for her now.. Wait till she understand i last time love her so much is for wat...

I become more and more slient person, i mostly talk alot during on my blog le... Cos alot say i not human when people scold me or make me angry i only talk in my blog and will not be angry on the person... Maybe i don wan to commucate with people too much le ba... I felt no point to talk so much...

Now i let things go simple let everyone know i truely love them before... Currently i have no time for them le, i think soon they will know when they are down last time i still beside them now i'm not... Not i don care for them but through my heart and mind... This message is for all.... Not now i love you guys just that i very busy, when i not beside you all now remember the joke i try to make you all happy or the happy times i with u all... Hope will make you all feel better... But i promise when i have off i still will be back the faith you all wan... A person still listen to you all a shoulder for u all... Ok take care guys

*The reason why i wrote for u all to see is to let u all know don wait till the person no more care you and wan the person back... I did not mean me maybe ur loves one... So when time if u felt the person care for you too much just think that the person wan to love you every min they care cos they don know when they don have time for you... So enjoy the min with them ba... :)

Faith sign off and wish you all the best in life... Esp with those u love... take care

.::Simple::.

2005-03-25T17:43:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Today is Good Friday but i staying now at my home playing with my new computer from starhub... Don know why suddenly wan spend time with myself cos maybe this few days work too hard le ba... Tomorrow will be working with chelsia so i wan to save up my engery and help her and not going over to usq tomorrow.... Chelsia so poor have to work 4 days straight so i cannot eat snake le must help her if not she very poor thing...

My typing skill getting very bad nowadays sia, maybe very long nv touch computer like last time ba... So alot of things keep typing wrongly... Maybe i should plan my time well so i can meet my classmate they all... So many people keep asking me out but i really have no time for them, i know is my wrong, off day i nv inform u all just that i too busy le some off day i would like to stay at home don wan to go out cos i have to do my housework at amk... So really have no time for u guys...

I know my ite classmate complain to me about asking me out thank God boon siong birthday i off if not really have no time for you all le... Sorry wor, i know is my wrong nv time for u all also... Now i try when i off i call u guys ok...

As for my secondary school friends i recieve alot of call and sms from you all for asking me out... So sorry currently this week and next week i very pack with things... So i try to offer my time for you all...

As for my primary school friends... Sorry i know you guys wan me to plan out a date with ms yeow but currently cant so i try to plan in on april... Cos i got more off day on april... So i will let u guys know soon ok...

As for my two little god sister, currently last few week i celebrate lilian birthday so i still have time for you all but u all now in express class have to pay more time in study ok... I love you all ok any problem let me know ok... Even i have no time i try to find out time to talk to u all on phone ok...

As for my mummy teo, i asking ting ting help me find out the answer... I hoping for the answer soon... And tuesday i off i going to sport day and find u... Hope u really have time to talk to me wor... I very scare u got no time for me... And i hope i don wan to see someone i don like... Something u don know i already found out, i hope you can tell me by yourself, i wan the words from ur mouth only... That all i wan...

Hai so fast going to april le... Few more month is my birthday le... Don know should i celebrate anot... Cos i very worry no wan come to my birthday party... Cos alot in poly or army le... So i very worry for this... Haiz... Don know this year i wan to get for myself wat... Cos everything i have le... Just lack of love ba... That what i lack.. If not as simple life as can be... Like a human everyday go work, sleep, eat and the next day... Anyway this is wat currently i doing... Even is boring but this is wat i like now... I don wan to think too many things le... Cos the more i think i make myself more depress... So why not i don think at all...

.::Finally can blog::.

2005-03-25T00:13:00.000+08:00

Dear diary,

Finally i can blog le... But is not my design so shit... Grr... I make so hard but the stupid code cannot sia... Grrr cos i don know the blog spot code... Now i have learn new thing... Haha asking pei pei for help later... Cos i totally blur with blog spot... My diaryland cannot use le cos my password cannot take off.... So sad right...

Today i working eat a lot of snake sia... Keep running from my shop and go find angeline and eat... Haha and angeline keep saying i feed her very fat le... Whaha who care... I love feeding people so that they can be same size as me.. Hehe bad hor i also know...

So sian sia... Everyday only angeline they all play with me the rest so sian lor... Some don play de... They took work too serious so i must help them change the mind set... Now not bad le... at least aunt and some start to play le... Hehe :)

I'm so tired sia... Keep working than lack of sleep... Today chelsia very good ask me go sleep she look after the shop for me.. Thanks her sia... Love her so so much wor... Angeline hor please la stop sms me i love you la... So er xin u know... And hor stop saying i small gal ok... Agnes say i grow up liao wor... Whaha...

As for joey hai... A bit cannot work with her... Cos we two seldom talk le, after the things happen... But i try to let everything go easy for her and me... But lucky angeline everyday eat lurch and dinner with me if not i work with joey no wan talk to me le... Thanks angel without bell haha...

Ok go enjoy myself tml is good friday... And is my off day... :P